I should start this post by saying I love my mother-in-law. I truly do. However if she doesn't start paying attention the rules I am sending her to the worse nursing home I can find.

Do you remember this?

Well she outdid herself this time. Allie has wanted a Baby Alive for (and I quote) her whole entire life. Mean mother that I am, I have banned Baby Alive from the house. After all I have two children, a dog and husband that I already have to feed, bathe and clean up after. Why on Earth would I import another one?

One that cries, eats and pees. Because just like the fish (now deceased), dog and baby sister Allie just had to have, I know who will end up having to take care of a Baby Alive.

Did I mention the child has 268 30 dolls in her room? Why can't she just play with the ones she has I will never know. Plus Allie is 9. Exactly when do girls stop playing with baby dolls? I know the answer actually. She stopped playing with dolls a couple years ago. She just hasn't stopped collecting them!

Back to my mother-in-law, whom I do adore. The other day she babysat Allie and when I went to pick her up guess what was in her arms?



Photo credit

Now my mother-in-law loves a sale, a yard sale. She especially loves anything that is free. Apparently one of her friends bought 2 Baby Alives and got one free. As the doll was not in a box but in a gift bag without any accessories I have a feeling that this may not be the whole truth. Close to the truth, but not the whole truth.

What I do know is that "Lilly" is now residing in Allie's room and began crying in the middle of the night.

Guess who slept through her baby's cries? If you guessed everyone but me you get a gold star.

For now my mother-in-law is safe, in her own home. Soon however she may need respite care. If she doesn't start following the rules it might be more spite than respite.

Twisted Tuesday....

Jen is going to be so freaking proud of me. I think I am following the rules this time! Today is the 27th, right? See I even looked a second time to make sure I was paying attention. Then I thought I could have sworn this was already a topic...turns out that was just about dumping some one and feeling bad about it. And then inspiration by way of a  mix tape fairy magically providing inspiration. In the form of an e-mail from Jen telling me exactly what this week's topic is. Phew. Crisis averted.


Since I am so not ready to admit that I suck, I am throwing the best you suck songs into the mix.

Carrie Underwood probably has the best did me wrong anthem and she commits vandalism something we never expected from our sweet American Idol! This you suck song isn't about me but for a rat jerk that just did this to his awesome wife.

Where is that baseball bat? Oh look, Miranda has it. (Quick aside, how many of us think Blake sleeps with one eye open?)

No one can sing you suck better than Ms. Simon. From being vain to not having time for the pain. Her lyrics about those who dare hurt us? Basically she says bite me but in a way that you never realize she is talking about you. Taylor Swift should probably take notes.

And  who says you suck better than Carole King? The ultimate song goddess. For your listening pleasure: You go your way, I'll go mine (because you suck).

Okay, I admit I added the you suck to the end of the song title. But it kind of works, don't you think?

And I just realized that I (sort of) broke the rules by only having four songs on my mix-tape. Crap. But wait, I can totally fix this!!!

Should you be the recipient of any of the above songs saying you suck, may I suggest you reply:

Oh and to my husband, should I ever need to send you a you suck tape be afraid. Be very afraid. Because I am so starting with something from Miranda!

On Grandmothers

Allie: This is why I like it when Grammie babysits. She says I can stay up until 8:30 then she falls asleep and I get to stay up until 10 or 9 central time.

Relax and give thanks

It's that time of the week. To take a moment and think of just 10 things I am thankful happened this week. In no particular order, although I wish I was in a Particular Harbor....

10. There are only 10 days left before the girls go back to school. They just may make it.

9. Going off the grid for a week.

8. Campfires and the friends that sit by them. Until 2am.

7. Boo fell in love with the movie Grease. Her IPAD being the only technology allowed while camping.

6. That Boo doesn't understand the storyline, lyrics or innuendos in Grease.

5. Floating down the river with Boo, Allie, David and David's sister. I just really wish Boo hadn't sent my Margarita into the river. Next year she floats with Sherry.

4. That there are no photos of me falling into the river when Boo and I got stuck on the rocks.

3. That we noticed one of the floats had a hole in it before we started down the river.
 
2. That Allie had the time of her life going from Campsite #1 to #18 playing with her friends.

1. That there are only 12 more months before we once again go off the grid with 30+ of our closest friends.

I'm baaaaaccckkkkkk

We took a week away from the world. A week where we hung with friends, floated in the river, drank margaritas at noon and wine at dinner. A week where Allie ran from campsite to campsite visiting all her friends. A week where Boo broke into a newly engaged couple's tent and made their air mattress and tent into her personal bounce house.

A week without TV, Internet, Cell Service. (Saving grace, we had power and running water)

I really wasn't myself when I came home. See I enjoy all the comforts of home. I am addicted to reading my friends blogs and writing my own. I check my e-mail and texts constantly. I am constantly thinking of things I should be doing at work and at home.

But last week I wasn't myself. I was away from all that worry and hurry. I was a mom hanging with her kids during the day and a wife hanging with her husband by the campfire at night. I laughed with friends, slept past 6AM and sat down for more than a minute.

I was the me I wish I could be more often.

Then we came back. The first thing I did while driving back into the real world was turn on my phone and review all the e-mails that procreated like bunnies while the phone was off.

We pulled into the driveway and I immediately started cleaning, organizing, doing laundry and getting ready for work the next day. At work I realized that I am not irreplaceable but that I still had 200+ e-mails to return.

It took just 20 minutes to undo the relaxation of being away from technology for a week. To start prioritizing things over my girls. These things are important, too. After all the mortgage kind of depends on them. Boo needs her therapies. Allie needs the routine.

I am the planner, the budgeter, the organizer, the over thinker. Once in a while, though, I wish I wasn't myself.

Proper attire

"Wait, if you are going to take my picture at least let me get my wand!"

Thanks, Joy

Joy, my friend, has gifted me with the Versatile Blogger award. And of course there are rules to taking the award. Kind of like the thank you note your mom used to make you write your grandmother.

Rule #1. Thank and link the blogger. 
Rule #2. Tell seven facts about yourself
Rule #3. Pass it on to seven bloggers
Rule #4. Link to specific posts on their blogs so they’ll be notified by pingback

So here we go!

Rule #1, done

Rule #2 Here are 7 facts about me you probably would rather not know:

1. I am addicted to M&M's
2. I paint my toenails but not my fingernails
3. I am wearing the ugliest t-shirt right now. Allie made it for Mother's day. So you know, I am taking one for the mom team
4. I have never watched Mad Men, Downtown Abbey
5. I don't understand why people go on reality TV then are surprised when they get arrested for not paying taxes.
6. I think mismatched socks trend was invented by a mom who decided to forget looking for that lost sock and convinced her daughter she was cool.
7. I have never been arrested. Yet.

Rule #3 pass this award to seven bloggers.

1. Julie at Julie's Boyz
2. Kerry at Transcending CP
3. Tatum at Ain't no Roller Coaster
4. Sylvia at Faithful Mom
5. Liz at Four Sea Stars
6. Misty at Meet the Cottons
7. Stacey at We are the Brothers B

I'm not too sure about the whole pingback thing. So dudettes you've been tagged :)

Oh and Joy, thanks for letting me blog-sit last week. I hope I didn't leave too much of a mess.

I confess, I fell off the Diet Coke Wagon

I have this great friend, Jenn. I can use her real name because she was the second one on this Earth to learn about this blog and therefore knows she could end up on it.

Last weekend we spent the day freeloading off of Jenn's family and their beach house. Yes, you may have noticed a trend of my freeloading activities. Hint: If you rent a beach house and tell me about it, I may show up. Even if it means a three hour drive.

You have been warned.

Anyway, back to Jenn. When I first had Allie I was a nervous wreck, sure I was going to screw this kid up. Jenn was a fountain of advice. And unfortunately for her, most of Allie's first few years started with the phrase, "Jenn said...." to justify anything I did.

For the record I was not blaming Jenn, just proving to others that I was following sage advice since both her kids were healthy and not in jail.

After a spending the day in the rain (I swear Boo is paying off the rain Gods so she doesn't have to go to the beach) hanging at the beach house the girls and I were ready to head home.

Since it was late I asked Jenn if I could have a can of Diet Coke so I could perk up for the ride home. Jenn said "NOOOOOOO!!!" But her mom said "Of course" (her mom might be the better hostess).

I drove home relishing in my first sip of Diet Coke in over four months. It was DELICIOUS. I slurped that baby down faster than an Irish man breaks his Lenten whiskey fast.

Two exits later I had to pee and since the girls were asleep there was not respite. I had to keep the car in motion, lest Boo woke up. Plus have you ever tried to pee in a New Hampshire rest area while holding a child who would rather be sleeping on your lap? Yeah, I crossed my legs and prayed for forgiveness.

Then then headache started. You know, the head that throbs because of the evil in Diet Coke. Yeah, that old friend. And I couldn't blame the traffic because there was none (thank the Good Lord and all that is Holy).

I finally break all land-speed records (thank you to the Statey's who didn't pull me over) and make it home. Put the girls in their respective beds, told Bailey to cross his legs and VICTORY I made it to the powder room. (quick aside, why is it called a powder room? I've never had powder)

Put Bailey out, he is relieved and then we try to go to bed. When I mean try, I mean he fell asleep like the dog he is and I had a sleepless night. Tossing and turning, not being able to settle my mind, because of the Diet Coke caffeine.

Of course the next morning the girls were up at 6:30 am. Cause that is how they roll.

And now I am officially back on the Diet Coke abstinence wagon again.

The moral of the story?

The next time Jenn says anything do it.

And hope like hell she doesn't say stop drinking wine.
 

Run like you are in the ghetto

Over the weekend we visited David's cousins in Vermont. It was a gorgeous weekend and since I like messing with my husband I signed him up for a 5k without warning him.

I figure if I don't let him train I have half a chance of beating him. Yeah, right.

We left the girls with the family and headed off to the race. This was the first time we ever raced when we didn't know the locale. I was thinking bonus points for adventure. David thought idiot points for not being able to find the start of the race.

We finally find the sign-in station and are told the race begins in 5 minutes.  Plenty of time, right? Well as I am tying my sneakers back at the car we hear READY SET GO....

We hurry down to the start, in dead last, with the announcer saying you can catch up. Which we did, until we figured out that there were no signs telling us which way to go. We begin staying in the middle of the pack, moving slowly out of dead last. Except we were not the only ones lost. Even the locals got confused. As we headed into the ghetto neighborhoods we quickly see a woman running back towards us saying, GO THE OTHER WAY!!!!!!

We get through mile one. Not that there was a sign to tell us, thank goodness for Nike+ Run, at my fastest pace yet.

As we start looping back to the center of town and figure out that we know where we are going David begins leaving me in the dust. See we thought we knew where the finish line was. So he slowly began edging to the front of the pack. This was fine, because there were still people for me to follow.

Except we were only at mile 2. At this point I can no longer see David, but there are a couple of people in front of me to show me the way. If only the finish line was where I thought it was. As I turned the corner really thinking this was it, I was done. I hadn't walked once and my reward was finishing the race not in dead last and not in the wrong part of town.

Then I lost my focal point. She either ducked into a store or was a figment of my imagination all this time. I am at a T in the road. I either have to go right or left. Since the course went in a zig zag pattern I have no freaking idea where to turn. I look behind me and see a nice woman running behind me. I ask, Which way do we go? And she replies:

I think to the right.

You think? Okay, let's go for it. We do the last mile of the race more or less together with no one else to be found. As we finish the last freaking hill (why are there hills at the end of a race) I round the corner to see David running back towards me.

Oh crap, I think. Now he is lost.

Nope, he was just running back to make sure I figured out which way to go. I finish the race behind David, but with my best time ever. Only to find out that the race not only did not finish where I thought it was going to, it also finished a half-mile away from our starting point. Which is just not fair.

I learned a couple of things with this race:

• David is just humoring me by running at my pace.
• Races should have clear signs telling us where to go
• When you run through a possible ghetto you will run faster, even up a hill
• When you are lost there will be some one nice to say GO RIGHT
• A banana never tasted so go than at the end of a 5k

 

Blog sitting at Joy's

Hey everyone

My friend Joy at I can Say Mama is vacationing with Maria in beautiful Austria. Okay not really with the Von Trapps, but with real best buddies. While she is visiting with friends and showing her beautiful son, Sunny, off she asked me to make sure now one rummaged threw her house.

So of course I said I would. Who wouldn't want to pretend they were in Germany keeping the blog fires burning?  As I blog-sit for her I swear the Hills are alive with the Sound of Music. 

Please take a moment and visit me over at Joy's. She has a great blog, so while she is away you should poke into her older blogs and find out more about her incredible journey as Sunny's mom.

Now come on and sing it with me...Doe a deer a female deer, ray a drop of golden sun....

I love to sing along with the radio

Recently I was belting out my portion of a duet with the radio, looked over and realized that hey it's summer and my windows are open. Sorry about that....

All Summer Long by Kid Rock with Leonard Skynard

Summer Nights by Danny and Sandy

(I still swoon over Kinicki though)


Knee Deep by the Zac Brown Band and Jimmy Buffett

Cause wouldn't you love to be knee deep in the water with your ass in the sand?

Little Talks by Of Monsters and Men

The video is freaky, I always imagined it more of a Ghost theme with Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze (again, swoon......)

And what summer wouldn't be perfect with a little P!NK? She has so many rocking duets but to just pick one so I follow the rules this week.....

How about some True Love?

This post has been brought to you by the ultimate mix-tape DJ Jen Kehl and her cohort in music crime, Kristi. Hey Jen, I actually did the theme right this week! Except I got concerned after reading her post I was supposed to do a James Taylor theme.

On Husbands

This weekend Allie and her friend were playing the game of Life. Yes, the game is still around. Allie was all excited that she got a husband. Not being able to resist, I asked her since boys were 'gross' why she was happy about the husband.

"Well, I figure if I have a husband I can just stay home and do the stuff I enjoy all day. He can go to work and not annoy me".

Let me know how that works out for you, kid.

Thanks for a weird week.

Joining some friends to reflect on the past week and focus on the great things that happened. But then I kind of had a crazy week so figured I would have some fun....


T Turkeys. I know what you are thinking, turkeys? But yes. You see I had about 18 in my yard this week. This means come Thanksgiving I won’t have to go grocery shopping. As Boo said when she saw them: BOOM

E    Earrings 

N   Nail polish 

 

 

T    Three miles without walking

H   Hair products

I     Ice cold Mojitos and Margaritas

N    Not hearing I'm bored when Allie had a sleep over at Grammies

G   Girl goes back to school in 25 days

S Shark Week the only week of programming David and Allie don't fight over the remote

What are you thankful for this week?

 

 

Yes, I know I only listed nine things so here is one more for Lizzie who likes people to follow the rules of her hop:

 

 

 



I'm a know-it-all

I confess that I have a bad habit of knowing what is best for every one. And I mean EVERY ONE. If the World would just listen to me for freaks sake I swear it would be a much nicer place to live.

For example,

If Allie would just listen to me say clean your room and do it, I would not have to enter her room with a Hefty bag. (yes, yes I did)

If I ran the Government it would spend half the amount of money they spend on exploring space on exploring better education opportunities of children we would have less people starring in Teen Mom. Oh and teachers would make a lot more money. Okay, I probably would take away more than 50% of the space funding.  Plus, I am afraid of the aliens in Independence Day. Let's not invite them over for Sunday dinner.

If people would listen to me when I tell them that we need more forests than parking lots, McMansions, houses and yes Wal-Marts. See, if you build on every spare piece of land imaginable, and then abandon office buildings, etc...of course animals will begin eating out of your bird feeder. It is not the bear's fault that you moved into his habitat and polluted it. This one is kind of a no-brainer.

If teens would listen to me they would understand a real hero is some one who saves a life, not who hit the home run. They would then be a lot less disappointed when their 'hero' gets banned from the sport because they cheated.

If people who are covered in tattoos would listen to me, they would realize that those cool tats are going to look really scary in the nursing home. So get one, maybe. But leave it at that. And think about what you are putting on your body. I mean really, you get a skull tattoo at 19 and then have to explain it to your 4 year old? Listen to me people!

If the World Leaders would listen to me they would understand if they were as polite as our children, learned to share, not break one another's toys and for goodness sake just play well with others, we would have a lot less war, famine and poverty.

If the drug dealers/makers of the world would listen to me they would take their creative genius and instead of making Crack, Heroin, Ecstasy, etc...they would make Diet Coke less harmful and M&M's less calories.

If I ran the US, stay at home moms would get a government salary. Not Welfare. But a stipend to allow her to raise her children the best way she knows how. As this works in other countries, I am pretty sure the US can manage it.

Speaking of Welfare, I know just how to reform the system. Stay with me here. Welfare is a good thing. But it is meant to help and support people as they get back on their feet. It is not supposed to take the place of employment. You are not supposed to be able to get your nails done, your hair done or drive a brand new car with the money taken from my wallet in the form of taxes. HOWEVER you are welcome to the money taken from my wallet in the form of taxes to help put food on the table, clothe yourself and your children and have a roof over your head. See the difference? So I would reform the welfare system back into WELL-FAIR. A program to help others and provide them security to care for their families.

If people would just listen to me there would be no discrimination. Back to the kids for a moment, we would look at the sandbox as our children do. That there are friends playing. Not that there is a white, black, purple or kid with a cane playing. Okay, Boo looks at the sandbox as water boarding. So we won't look at the analogy from her point of view.

If the kids programming listened to me, they would not be dressing the girls as tramps. I am sorry, but I do not know one 12-year old who wears skirts that short or heels that high. Our children would start dressing as children. Fathers would stop saying, "Young lady you are not going out of the house looking like a tramp" and Mom's would stop saying, "I swear that skirt looked like it covered her ass in the store".

If the people who thought up the food pyramid added junk food onto it there wouldn't be so many moms eating brownies in the closet.

If my husband would just admit I am always right BEFORE the argument he wouldn't have to apologize as much.

And this is how I finished the sentence this Friday, I have a bad habit of.....Personally I cannot wait to read how Rich and Kristi answered this one.

What is your bad habit?

Knock on wood, please

A while ago I asked a bunch of you the secrets of potty training. Allie was relatively easy. See she HAD to be trained by 2.9 otherwise she would not be able to go to preschool. I took 9 months to train her. Not the entire 9 months but I gave myself time and patience.

I personally think potty training is the hardest thing in the world to teach a child. I mean really how can you explain that your bladder is full, let alone that the sensation you currently feel running down your leg is pee?

It is trial and error. Allie was kind of easy. It took a bit, but she got it.

Boo scared the crap out of me. Okay, not literally. Well maybe.

Then she started showing interest in the potty. She is so petite the toilet wasn't stabilizing enough for her. So I did something I swore I would NEVER do and went and got the dreaded....

Yup, I caved and got the potty chair. Now before you judge, I just never got it. To me having a portable toilet that the kid can move into the kitchen (ew), the living room or the bedroom (ewe) was more than I can handle.

Here is where Boo's sense of order comes into play. She KNOWS that the potty remains in the bathroom. Thank the good Lord and all that is Holy.

I worked with her school, they have a training regimen they were willing to try. So last Monday Boo went to school in her big girl panties. Okay, she went to school in her diaper with big girl panties in her bag.

And she did it.

The first time they put her on the toilet she went. Then she went again and again.

It has been a little over a week and she hasn't had an accident. Okay, she has had one accident. But I wasn't home with her when it happened. I am not blaming the dad person who was home at the time.....I'm just saying that Boo continues to amaze me.

I am in awe.

This little girl who cannot tell me if she is hungry, tired or why she is hitting her head has enough understanding of her body to know that she has to go.

She goes on a schedule, but she also tells us to "ome ere" and will bring us into the bathroom. Okay, too much information.

But I am one proud mama.


 

Zip

While visiting family this weekend Allie had the unexpected surprise of adventure.  Believe it or not, this is in someone's backyard. He should be featured on extreme tree houses.

Of course Dad had to take a ride

And Mom had to make sure it was safe

Allie now is trying to convince us that we should have one of these at our house. She invited our friend to come live with us and build her one.

 Boo hid in the garage and told us all to be CA-FUL. 

So I made a tape...

If I were to make a mix-tape for Tia, someone who deserves a tape for something they did, it would have to include:

Something by Cher because, well she rocks just like Tia does.

Wind beneath my wings by Bette Midler because I remember crying through that movie with her. Tia, not Bette

You're my best friend by Queen just in case she forgot

Grade 9 by the Barenaked Ladies because well if we were making a mix tape it would have been when we were in grade 9

Don't you forget about me by Simple Minds because every time I hear that song I think about her. And again, hey grade 9

Now admit it you thought it was a different kind of tape I was talking about, didn't you?

 

 

Oh and for those youngins that do not know what a mix tape is, I'll explain: You see back before the dawn of the internet we had cassette players. We would take our cassette player put it next to Casey's Top 40 and hit 'record' as soon as the song came on we were waiting hours for. We would then spend hours trying to get the songs that declared our love for some one or help a friend through a breakup.

 

And you thought surfing the internet was a waste of time? Try sitting through 4 hours of the American Top 40 waiting for Journey's Open Arms.

 

Crap. I just re-read the rules to this week's topic and seem to have done it wrong. I should have read past the Tape for someone deserved a mix tape and realized that she also wrote 2000-2013. Well, first I have never once done one of these themes correctly so Jen won't be surprised.

 

And second, there is no way in hell I am rewriting this post.

 

Happy Tuesday everyone.

Best mom?

Allie: Momma you are the best mom ever.
Me: Aw, thanks Allie
Allie: And I am not just saying that so you will let me stay up until 8:30.

Thanks...

I think this is probably my favorite "hop" of the week. When Kristi, Joy and Lizzie remind me to look back at just this week and realize not only did we survive but it wasn't as bad as it seemed.

10. Allie came home. Sure the house is louder and messier. But to listen to her teach Boo how to "tag" is priceless.

9. The Royal Boy was born. Thank goodness. I was really worried that all those reporters outside the hospital were beginning to stink.

8. I ran 2.8 miles without walking.

7. We had a dinner out with Boo's previous OT, without Boo. Best news? The conversation didn't center around Boo. Not that there's anything wrong with that.

6. This weekend we are visiting David's cousins for a mini-family reunion. They live in a barn. It is way cool.

5. Allie is thankful there is a pool here.

4. Boo picked up the butcher knife I was using to cut cantaloupe and I got it back from her before she cut her hand off.

3. I  got talk to my bloggy friend in real life this week. Thanks Kristi for making the conversation as easy as I thought it would be. Even if you don't sound like Gidget.

2. I have been "off" Diet Coke for 3 & 1/2 Months (and 23 days, 6 hours, 2 minutes)

1. The thing I am most thankful this weekend is Kerry. Who made me see how my emotions affect Boo. I owe you more than a plate of Fried Clams.

What are you thankful for this week? Come on it is not that difficult to think of ONE thing.

My Bucket List

I never really thought about a bucket list. Since I am way past my familial half-life, I figure I better get it written down! Which was a lot harder than I thought.

Before I die I would like to accomplish the following things:

1. An African Safari
2. To hike the Knife's Edge
3. To sleep through the night (yeah, I know seems lame but true)
4. To go across the country, visiting every State.
5. To find the end of the rainbow (see, it's probably in my dreams)
6. To travel to Italy
7. To figure out how to meditate. Seriously, you should see me in a yoga class!
8. To have Dana, Kristi and Kate over for a glass of meet in person wine.
9. To figure out a way for Joy to join us or go to Germany for one of her cocktails
10. Understand why Honey Boo Boo, the Kardashians and Candy freaking Crush are so popular.
11. Meet Kerry for fried clams
12. To visit Bron in Australia. Okay, I really want to visit Australia but I think Bron and her family would be awesome tour guides.
13. To Sail in the Caribbean, for at least a year.
14. To find that Runner's High

I feel the need to apologize as my list is so greedy and not spread peace, joy and happiness. But oh well, can't be perfect all the time!

So what is on your bucket list?

Dear Boo

Kerry at Transcending CP is a beautiful young woman who someday is going to change the world one child (and parent) at a time. She writes from the heart, as a child who has CP. On how CP not only affects her but her family. The good, the bad and the memories that make me want to go back in time and punch a jerk in the nose.

Last weekend she wrote about the Pain of Disability. It brought me, and a lot of other moms, to tears. It was both beautiful and heartbreaking. Tatum responded with a wonderful letter to our children. And these two posts brought me to this moment....