I hit a turning point in my life when I accepted Boo's undiagnosis (yes, I just made up my own word). When Boo was first in the NICU we didn't really think past let our baby live. It was on her second admission at just a month old that I began asking, "what was wrong with my child".
I wanted to know the why so I could know the outcome. I needed answers so I would know how to "fix" Boo. I wanted a manual on how to make her "better". I felt it was "unfair" that she had some unknown genetic abnormality. That she didn't fit the mold of any diagnosis, disease or syndrome.
And four years later, I still feel guilty for my poor choice of words.
From her pediatrician to her neurologist to her genetics physician I would demand answers and be told: you may never have the answers. Just keep doing what you are doing, eventually the science will be there to help Boo. Notice they said help, not fix.
I don't know when exactly, I put my big girl panties on and stopped focusing on "why" or "fixing". It took too much time and too many admissions. Boo was put through so much testing. Necessary, but painful testing. Heartbreaking testing that gave us more questions than answers.
At some point I hit a turning point and I just accepted Boo's undiagnosis. I stopped using Google as a diagnostic tool. I began accepting this life as a mom of a special child. I still carry on with doctors, therapy and special programs. I advocate for awareness. I have Boo "on display" so others will be invested in her life. Because someday the science will be there to tell us why Boo works harder than most children.
Yes, the why is still important but not the most important detail of my day.
And when I hit that turning point? That was the day I began living life to it's fullest with Boo.
This is how I hit a turning point in my life to Finish that Sentence Friday. What was your turning point?
Wow, this really was a beautiful post first off and I think you said it quite perfectly about it truly isn't up to you to fix it all (yes as mother's we try so hard to do that), but just to try to live each day and enjoy it to the fullest. And Boo is seriously such cute and wonderful little girl. I thank you each and everyday for sharing her with all of us!! :)
ReplyDeleteBeautiful, Kerri. That was an incredible way to finish the sentence. You captured so much emotion and insight in a short post, and I was riveted to every word. Thank you so much for sharing that with us!
ReplyDeletewhat an amazing post, a tribute to parenting and bravo to you mom! She is blessed to have a mom that loves her so deeply and passionately. No matter what our childrens' needs are, the best thing we can do is show them how to live life and enjoy it's treasures.
ReplyDeleteThis was so inspiring. Boo's lucky to have you.
ReplyDeleteKerri, amazing writing and cute baby pic too! Thankyou for sharing your writing and your Boo xx and thankyou for my award you are amazingly sweet and I was grinning all day after reading it, just when I needed a boost too xx my turning point was pre kids after a I got out of a bizarre relationship and begun to love myself again xx
ReplyDeleteSuch a beautiful post. Yes, moments like these are certainly turning point in our lives! I love it! So wonderfully written, as always! xoxo
ReplyDeleteBoo is lucky to have you! You are lucky to have her too :) Thanks for sharing your turning point- its such an important one!
ReplyDeleteVery good Post. This is the amazing thing about (some) blogs in general and (most) Posts in this FTSF series...
ReplyDeleteInsight into a whole 'nother life. Nothing as one-dimensionally simple a thing as a chart or photos or footnotes in a google return, but the feelings and emotions of a real person in extraordinary circumstances.
Thank you for sharing your Boo. Our son was a NICU baby and has had various medical issues since his birth. Some have still gone undiagnosed others we have found "labels" for. Just do what you do for your baby. I am a huge fan of being an advocate for families and children who can't. Keep up the great work!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you decided to share your story and "Boo's" story. Each of us have trials in our lives, but it is great to hear how wonderful your life is too!
ReplyDeleteThat was beautiful Kerri. You gave me goosebumps. And aren't sleeping pictures the most adorable!
ReplyDeleteOh Kerri my dear friend. Wonderful beautiful post! I love the last photo of you with Boo on your head and every single word that came before it. Wonderful writing, wonderful sentiments and I'm so glad that you've come to peace with the fact that our kids will be helped, not fixed, and that asking what's wrong with them only leads to dispair and worry. Celebrate the Boo that is Boo because she's perfect and amazing. XOXO
ReplyDeleteGosh...that desperation can make anybody roll down in tears.
ReplyDeleteKerri you are a strong woman and I wish and pray Boo gets a diagnosis and is fine. Hugs!
Thanks, Ruchira. This is the one you inspired ;)
DeleteAmazing, Kerri. Living life to its fullest is a worthwhile goal. This was a wonderful post! Someone told me recently that sometimes we deal with things because we can and you, my friend, are a bad ass! You've done a wonderful job coping with all the stresses and joys Boo brings. Hugs to you.
ReplyDeleteYou make a wonderful mother, Kerri, and like the others said, Boo is lucky to have you and vice versa. Thanks for sharing the turning point in your life with us.
ReplyDeleteThat was a beautiful post. I have a favorite poster about turning points. I can remember several of mine well. Sounds like you are a wonderful mother!
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post! I hadn't realized sweet little Boo has been through so much testing and stuff. I'm glad you put your big girl panties on and are living life to the fullest. You are a great supermom!
ReplyDeleteWe have had to do the same exact thing with one of our children. I learned many years ago that kids are kids are kids first and foremost. The rest is in the back round of life. As it should be. :) Blessings and great post!
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