As if the holidays are not stressful enough?

I am filing this one under another important piece of information that is left out of the parenting manual that no one gives you. Last night Allie left a note for her Elf, Max. I am unsure if you were told about the Elf on the Shelf (it was left out of my manual). But Santa sent Allie's when she entered first grade. I thought for sure she would say, hey this is a doll.

Not my Allie. Not the true believer. This year she started leaving notes! Now not only do I have to remember to re-hide the little red bundle of joy, I have to write back! In a handwriting that is not my own. Last night, this is the note she left:

Why does Santa say I have to work harder? Does Alex like me? Do you want a dog or a cat? I got to see a whale show. what is your favorite game to play? Is there dogs at the work shop? Do you ride reindeer? Go up stairs and take a left if your at the a door go the other way. Go straight if you see a cottage go in it me and Emma decorated it for you! Do you know Benjamin Button?

I wanted to write, Well Santa says you have to work harder because you were an absolute bear to your father this morning! And to tell her that at 9 years old she shouldn't like boys. Instead, I sent a plea on Facebook to find out which of her friends had a Benjamin so I could be a good Elf and write a proper response. (How much do you want to bet it's "THAT" boy's elf?), I wrote in my left hand for about a minute and then figured if she cannot figure out that this doll isn't really going to the North Pole every night then I am going to take a chance she won't recognize my handwriting.

I am sending very un-Christmas like vibes to whomever invented this torture.