Last night when I was up with Boo, I thought to myself...I love this. I absolutely love just holding her and laying on the couch until she calms down and falls back asleep. I love that she can sense when I lay her back into her bed. I love that she is so small and petite (okay short) that carrying her isn't a problem.
I know I should not enable her. I know I should just let her cry it out. And most times I do. But last night I just didn't want to. And of course I feel some guilt. I hate when Abby wakes up in the middle of the night and wants to sleep in our bed. It's not that I dislike Abby, but the fact that sleeping with Abby is like sleeping with a boxer. She is all knees and elbows.
Boo though, Boo hugs you with her entire body. She wants to nestle her head right under your neck. She knows the difference between my standing with her and sitting. Without a word she knows how to tell me what she needs to be comforted.
For almost the first 2 years of Boo's life I would put her to bed and she would fall asleep. Then anytime between midnight and 4 am, when I was in the deepest sleep possible, she would awaken. Screaming. All I could do to comfort her was to lay on the couch in a way to make sure she was safe and we would doze. It got to be that I just left the pillows and comforters behind the couch so they would be in easy reach in the morning.
Then shortly after she turned 2 and a half, one night I got tough. She was going to comfort herself back to sleep. It was a month of torture. The "experts" totally lie when they say a child will cry themsleves to sleep after 10 minutes. But the month was worth it. Gradually Boo began to sleep through the night, most of the time. And now when she wakes up she will coo herself (and sometimes cry) back to sleep. I have learned her signals. If she fusses for more than 5 minutes there is no way she is falling back to sleep. She will stress herself so that her reflux acts up. Then she is in pain, something I will not withhold comfort from.
But those nights are becoming fewer and fewer. Thank goodness, Boo is sleeping better. Although I still wake up in the night sure that I have heard something. And on the nights now when I know she cannot comfort herself, I rush into the room and will forgo any thoughts of sleep.
I may never know why Boo wakes up screaming in the night. Sure I can guess. It might be bowel issues, she might be in pain, she might be scared. But sometimes, like last night, I think she just needs her mom's arms around her.
And I am more than okay with that.
The life and times of Boo. A girl without a diagnosis but with unlimited possibilities!
Oh that is sweet and I totally get how one child can be a cuddler and another an elbow-knee-arm-in-face sleeper. I think it's wonderful how you're so in tune with when she needs you to fall asleep and when she can handle it on her own.I had my share of interrupted sleep this past year. Without going into too many specifics, let's just say Little Dude woke up approximately every 2-3 hours when he was undergoing treatment every 3 weeks, which meant they pumped him with fluids all night long...I'd have to help him to the bathroom each time because he was attached to the pump, which is hard for a 10-year old to maneuver. It's amazing how your body can somehow get used to those nights when sleep is interrupted though!
ReplyDeleteAww, I have had similar with Lily, who, just likes to cuddle and fall asleep with me. I admit I have had a few nights where I made her go back to her bed, but then I ended up missing her and knowing that this won't last forever with her. So, I totally am an enabler, but can't help, but love knowing she is there right next to me and needing me like this still.
ReplyDeleteI never let the Navigator cry it out, experts be darned. He sleeps through the night just fine now, so I don't feel like it messed him up in any way. He still screams in the night - night terrors and the occasional nightmare - and I always go to him. I kind of just feel like that's my job as mom. :-D
ReplyDeleteI don't let Tucker cry either. I know I know I KNOW but really, I also know that one day, too too soon, he will not want me. I gladly fall asleep with him when he has bad dreams. Mostly. Sometimes I tell him I have to go. But you know. All of it's good. Enough ;)
ReplyDelete