I am 'out' to about all of 6 people that I know in my real life, as opposed to this still-toddler stage virtual one. This number does not include my husband, who has been told TWICE, but sometimes manages to forget. Only two of the four read on a regular basis. The others, I am not sure if I ever drew the map on how to get here. If they do visit here often they never let me know.
I remain on the threshold of that closet door wondering if it is a good decision to come out or safer to remain inside. On one hand, I get to use this forum like a therapist couch and on the other I am sharing more with strangers than my own circle.
In typical Kerri fashion I devised a pro/con list:
- I don't offend anyone that I will meet in the grocery store. Like the time I complained about the friend who drank all my wine.
- I can be heartbreakingly honest without fear that a friend will be calling to ask me if I am okay. Because you just know I will respond, if you read the blog than you know I am not!
- I don't have to worry when I complain about how some random comment hurt my feelings and making that person feel bad.
- I can say anything on this blog without a care that what I say may be misconstrued, gossiped about or whatever. If I don't like something you comment on this blog I can delete it (like that SPAMMER who tried to sell you something in my comments section) and move on.
- I am potentially limiting people who can help Boo.
- I am definitely limiting their understanding of her.
- I am shrinking my village/circle/support system by not being honest
- Staying in the closet where there are brownies, I am definitely not offending any family members when I vent via blog. Just imagine the Yankee Swap at Christmas if I tick off a sister-in-law.
- I am not getting phone calls that asks was it X who said that about Boo?
- I'm not getting calls from Mom either in embarrassment (what did you & Tia do in SPAIN!) or in worry (why didn't you tell me you broke!)
- I am not letting Boo's friends and family know all about her hard work and triumphs.
- No one is telling my husband all of the crazy things I write. (total bonus)
- By staying in the closet I may not be helping friends who are too scared or tired to ask for help
- I am not boring any friends who get tired of Facebook posts about the "R" word, World Down Syndrome Day and fundraisers for my favorite cause Children's Hospital. Although the fundraiser included beer so they probably didn't mind that one as much.
- I might get more Top Mommy votes and move up from oblivion (warning shameless plug below)
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| GO VOTE :) |
After reviewing the list, I am still on the edge of the closet. Because I started this blog as a means of therapy. A place I can say anything and not worry about anyone else but me. Then as it evolved into a daily occurrence (something I never imagined) with followers, I thought it was too late now to tell people.
Do I send a birth of a blog announcement? Or a hey, I've been keeping a secret announcement like I did for Jenn and Tia.
Plus, I think there are brownies and wine around in this closet, for sure somewhere. Probably under the shoes....
I have been out for so long Kerri, but yes I will admit I have to think twice when I am writing something so as not to offend family or friends. It does make it tougher for me, but I guess I am so used it by now it is second nature. Totally up to you what you are comfortable with. And yes I voted for you!! :)
ReplyDeleteI used to include my blog address in my emails and link up on my Facebook. I don't think most people in my life are too interested to read the blog since no one ever says anything about it! I did inform patty's school w/ the promise I would never bad mouth any person specifically. I don't think you should hide your blog from your family and friends. I think you can have a blog for most things and a diary for all the things that can't go on the blog.
ReplyDeleteI think it's totally up to you! Some days it's good to be out , I found early on easier to write updates, everyone's reads, saves 100 phone calls. But I like telling people face to face our news too rather than them stopping me mid sentence " yeah read it on your blog"....,I have a heap of stuff I desperately need to write but can't so for those moments I rock in my chair x maybe just share with friends and family who you may not see so often? Then go from there xxx
ReplyDeleteI've been out since I started my blog--I post my links on FB. I also added a little sticker label on the back of our Christmas cards with our blog address on it. However, I have not mentioned to Owen's school people, nor do I discuss any issues I might have with school on the blog in case they discover it (I did do a post recently about IEPs, but our was completely free of contention, so no problems there). I don't really think twice about it--if someone wants to read it, great. If they chose not to read, so be it!
ReplyDeleteIt's such a difficult decision - I also write for therapy but I knew from the start that there were some topics I couldn't blog about, like the break up of my marriage, because of the possible effect on the children. My blog has been shared with my real life friends from the start, but I've been more anonymous to the wider world, and I have few full face photos on the blog, except for my special girl, cos I want to raise awareness of cerebral palsy and disability issues.
ReplyDeleteIf you're worried about upsetting people, maybe put a warning at the start of a blog post? I do that from time to time, and as you know, I have strong opinions that readers may not always like!
Ugh, such a hard call, Kerri. Really tough. When I had my first few posts up and some background pages, I did come out on Facebook to real life friends. I'm glad I did as in the early days, they were my only readers. But now that I've found so many amazing bloggers, it is from this world that I get comments and advice and can share Tucker's story. Also, I have NO desire to have my new boss find out about my blog. So I'm not out in some circles (like I use Linked In ONLY for work and the blog is nowhere there). Also, I found that family was really disappointing. Most of them don't read Finding Ninee and it pisses me off. So there's that. Maybe start by coming out to just a few people?
ReplyDeleteI am definitely in the closet and for the time being I am going to stay there. And right now it still feels good.
ReplyDeleteAnd don't forget that is where you hid the girl scout cookies :)
DeleteI just saw this post today, so here are my much belated comments.
ReplyDeleteIn all honesty, I do not know for whom I write anymore. When I started my blog for the boys, it was to keep family who weren't on Facebook (like my dad) up-to-date (well, somewhat up-to-date) on the boys. Once Thomas got his diagnosis of SPD, my blog changed. I started writing more about the trials we go through with him at times, and I wondered, did I really want all my friends and family to know my inner thoughts?
Growing up I felt I was never allowed to express myself, so now I do it somewhat freely (which has awakened anger from relatives on FB on more than one occasion). I think the last time I shared a link to my blog on Facebook (which I have been off of for three weeks tomorrow) was back in June, when Isaac had his evaluation. I sent a link to a newer post to a select few friends a few weeks ago, but that's it.
I have nothing to hide, but yet, I feel afraid of what some people will say or think when they read my honesty all poured out (you know, like Thomas' therapists or his teacher, who is totally awesome). There is one blog post, outlining how much I am like Thomas (in all honesty, I have a lot of the sensory traits and habits that Thomas has), that I really want to write, but I'm not sure I could face people in real life if I write it. I mean, what will they thing? What will my husband (who probably has never looked at the boys' blog, since computers are not his thing) think? I want people to read about the boys, see how wonderful they are but also see that we do struggle ... yet I fear judgement. *sigh* I think that is why the only place I share blog entries with anymore is over at Love That Max's weekly week-up. I know the parents there understand.