When I married David I knew that I would be a mistress to his first love, the Fire Department. I envied him his passion for his job. I never really worried about him, although believe me he has given me reason!
Then 9/11 happened. We were engaged and although we are far from NYC he didn't come home from the station for three days. His brother was deployed from here to go as part of the search and rescue.
I remember that night, looking at the footage and knowing that in a too short span of time we would forget our anguish of that moment. We wouldn't forget, but we would not have the same camaraderie with strangers at that moment.
The moment when the Towers fell, the ground shook in Pennsylvania and the Pentagon burned.
And at that moment I swore I would never forget that I saw people dying on live TV. But I did. I promised to myself this would not be our Pearl Harbor, only celebrated by the Veterans and those directly affected. But we did.
We moved on with our lives. The footage no longer taking our breaths away or makes us hold a strangers hand in an elevator. We became more suspicious, less gracious. In our house, though, we have not forgotten.
I admit that is probably due to David's job. I mean, we face 9/11 every day in some shape or form. He also joins every dangerous "team" he can. We know that he might not come home. But we distance ourselves from those thoughts.
So I too, do not have that same visceral feeling to the footage of 9/11. I don't go to every observance in town anymore. Last year it was attended by less than 25 people. My daughter doesn't even realize the significance of what happened that day. So it already has become her generation's Pearl Harbor.
For that I am saddened. Not that I want to remain angry and hurt. Instead I would rather have that same feeling of we are in this world together. We won't forget the sacrifices of those who ran into the building, who signed up for war, who lost their loved ones.
When I say never forget, it isn't that our Country was attacked. I never want to forget those who were taken too soon and those left behind.
To the widows, widowers, parents and children of those directly affected by 9/11 I want you to know that I haven't forgotten the most important victims of that day. And I apologize for only remembering you on the anniversary.
I know I too thought I would never forget, but you are right we don't think about it daily anymore, but only on the actual anniversary. I think we have become desensitized at this point and what way back when I thought would be forever etched in my mind is still there, but buried deep within only to resurface slightly on this day itself. So, I do think you said this quite perfectly, because at this point I feel quite similar to what you described.
ReplyDeleteThanks for understanding, Janine.
DeleteDitto what Dana said. And also a big thanks to David and his brother first responders and their families for all that they do every day.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Julie.
DeleteThanks, Dana.
ReplyDeleteThis is a beautiful post, Kerri. My heart was hurting today when I thought of those left behind that day. And I often think about the weeks after 9/11, how everyone rose up and supported each other. It's hard to describe how amazing that felt, and you are so right -- we should never have forgotten that. We had a glimpse of it here, after the Marathon bombing, but it wasn't exactly the same. There is a 5K that is run here every year in memory of a man who worked for our company who lost his life that day, so I am glad we can remember in that way. But you're so right, we need to go back to that feeling of community and compassion. Great post, Kerri, and thanks to your husband and his brother for all they do. Thank you, too, because you have to sacrifice something every time he is called to duty.
ReplyDeleteI have the same problem, but for entirely different reasons. I watched that day and the following days, but other than remembering and/or commemorating I have stayed completely away from it. From the documentaries, from the movies, from everything. Then on the 10th anniversary I was at home alone for some reason and started watching a CNN channel that was airing the programing that it aired that day. Five minutes into it I was a sobbing mess and so I turned it off. When my family came home 45 minutes later I was still crying. I don't know why I still can't handle it. I wasn't there. I don't know anyone personally who lost their life that day.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful for every sacrifice and help that was given, so I will keep dwelling on that. For whatever reason, I don't think I've ever completely come to terms with it, nor do I know if I ever will.
Sorry for the super long rambling comment. :)
My dad was a firefighter and now is a police officer. So I know what you mean. There is always something scary that you could worry about so its better not to think about those things. Sending good thoughts that David stays safe!!
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