If I had a magic wand I would wave it and take away my doubts. Tonight during Allie's riding lesson I was pushing Boo around in her chair. We strolled around the barn and fields as Allie got her horse ready and I watched another little girl get her horse. She was small and just a little older than Boo and I began to wonder.
Am I making Boo more handicapped than she is?
Don't misunderstand me. Boo is definitely intellectually delayed. Physically she has the coordination of a 2-3YO. Boo works really hard at being Boo. But as I watched her in her chair I began to doubt myself. I worried that I was the reason she is delayed.
Quite simply, the chair is easier for me. Out of the chair she tries to get into the horse's paddock, the practice ring and ewww the horse manure. Fifteen minutes into Allie's lesson and Boo will be asking to be picked up. Then down again. Then up.
So I take the lazy way out and put her in the chair. I wheel her around visiting the horses and watching the different lessons. I am not teaching Boo boundaries and respectable behavior. I am not holding her to the same standard I would Allie.
I take into consideration Boo's estimated developmental age and when I compare that to what I expected of Allie at that age I realize I am setting the bar low.I mean really low, like on the ocean floor where only scary monsters live. If I ballpark Boo's developmental age, at 3-ish Allie was expected to behave in public. She would have to walk next to me in the grocery store and would have to do the 3 bite rule at meal times.
Yet I don't.
Because it is easier. Because I love holding Boo, even if my left hip aches at the end of the night. Because I am getting great biceps lifting Boo. Because I treasure this moment when she is a mommy's girl and want it to last forever and a day.
I know that I shouldn't compare Boo to that little girl at the barn (and this is just one example where I take the easy way out). I should be proud of all Boo has accomplished, more than anyone ever expected. In my heart I know I am holding Boo her own standard, the one that is right for her. It's in my head that I have doubts and worries.
I worry that I am holding her back. I doubt in my ability to give Boo what she needs. That by taking the easy way out I am not allowing Boo to flourish.
On the upside she didn't fall into the manure.
This is how I finished the sentence, "If I had a magic wand...." for Finish That Sentence Friday. How would you?