Last night the husband and I were watching Stars Earning Stripes. Once I got over the fact that Todd Palin was actually a star (even though he really did awesome) I started thinking, of an alternative program:
Stars Earn Special Mom Stripes
Seriously, think of the mission objectives.....Dean Cain, former Superman Star, your mission if you choose to accept it is:
Mission One—smells the alluring scent of a HAZMAT and determines if it is coming from:
A. The crazy puppy
(The correct answer would be C)
Mission Two—spend one week in the NICU with only 30 minutes of sleep each 24 hour period
Mission Three—hold the child down in the death grip position as the technician attempts to glue EEG leads onto their head.
Mission Four—do not hurt the EEG technicians who after you finally get the child to sleep for the EEG tells you after 5 minutes it is time to wake them up.
Mission Five—know the name of every person involved in your child’s care without the help of nametags
Mission Six—learn sign language (okay, this is a soft-ball mission meant to restore confidence after Missions 1-5)
Mission Seven—navigate the IEP process
Mission Eight—do not lose the wandering child
Mission Nine—fight with the lovely representative at the insurance company who is trying to deny your child’s medicine, formula, and therapies, anything else they can think of and win the battle
Mission Ten—clean the bathroom while not letting the crazy puppy or child drink the cleaning supplies
Mission Eleven—keep a full-time job outside of the house and still attend every MD appointment and 75% of the therapies
Mission Twelve—convince the MD that although it may just look like heat rash it must be something more and be proven right
Mission Thirteen—provide equal attention to the first born child
Mission Fourteen—remember you have a spouse and they demand attention too
And last but not least….should you survive and overcome the first fourteen obstacles
Mission Fifteen—remember at the end of the day you are the parent and not the therapist. Try to relax once in a while!
Okay, Todd Palin as a more or less stay-at-home dad of a great kid might be able to earn his stripes. But I dare the chick from WWE J