Ready, set, go....
Here
Here is where I want to be, but struggle with. I can never
be here, because I have to be there. I have become the woman who tried to have
it all, but failed in so many ways.
Instead of being here in the moment with my child as she
looks at the leaves blowing in wonder, I am there obsessing the leaves in my
flower gardens.
Instead of being here in the moment of my child working so
hard in therapy, I am there worried over how coworkers may be resentful that I have
to take time away from here to be there with my child at therapy.
Instead of being in the moment of here, enjoying a night out
I am there wondering why my hair doesn’t look as nice as it should, why my
clothes are wrinkled.
Instead of being in the moment of here, enjoying my husband
I am thinking of a million other things that in the moment of here are not as
important.
Instead of being in the moment of here, listening to Allie’s
story, my mind drifts to there when I worry about the teenage years when she
stops talking to us.
Instead of being here, at work when a million things need to
be multi-tasked, I am there wondering if my children are okay, what am I missing
by not being with them.
Instead of being here, enjoying my children I am there
wondering if there is anything going on at work that I need to have a handle
on.
Instead of being in the moment of here with Boo wanting to
just sit on my lap, I am in the moment of there looking at the dishes piling
up, the dog hair on the floor, the house in disarray.
Instead of enjoying the moment of here, I am too worried
about there…..
I like that we both had different takes on "here and there." I do this so often. I forget to live in the moment and miss the most important things. But I'm trying to do better.
ReplyDeleteBlessings to you and your family.
This is the hardest thing to do,...to be present, to be here. I can feel the disconnectedness and the internal struggle you are showing in this post. Good luck - I think we all need to work at being 'here' better. Popping over from five minute friday.
ReplyDeleteOh, friend, I hear your heart in this. Everyday, His mercies are new. Every moment we get to try again to choose His way. I know. I struggle with this, too. And somehow, in all this struggle, He changes us. And He makes us who He designed us to be. Though we are broken, He makes us whole. So glad you stopped in for a visit.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Michele-Lyn
I think you feel like most people feel. It is hard to be in the moment when your mind is somewhere else. You are doing the best you can- that is what counts!
ReplyDeleteVery similar to my own post... I am learning to be more present in "here", I am learning from a friend who is chronically ill that it does no good to try and be there, because the lessons we need to learn (both easy and hard) are here. :)
ReplyDeleteGood job. :)
I think it is a condition so many of us women struggle with, and you have said it well. The older I get, the faster "here" passes, so enjoy, and blessings!
ReplyDeleteI like this. You did a good job in voicing what a lot of moms feel, I think. At least I know I do. I'll be too busy worrying about when I'm going to do everything that needs to get done in a day, instead of watching my daughter play and see her amazing imagination in action. The "important" things really are not as important as we make them.
ReplyDeletePraying you learn to just hang out out in the here of your life.
ReplyDeleteI am definitely with you. Really great post!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post!! I have trouble living in the "here" too sometimes!
ReplyDelete