Ready, set, go....
Here is where I want to be, but struggle with. I can never be here, because I have to be there. I have become the woman who tried to have it all, but failed in so many ways.
Instead of being here in the moment with my child as she looks at the leaves blowing in wonder, I am there obsessing the leaves in my flower gardens.
Instead of being here in the moment of my child working so hard in therapy, I am there worried over how coworkers may be resentful that I have to take time away from here to be there with my child at therapy.
Instead of being in the moment of here, enjoying a night out I am there wondering why my hair doesn’t look as nice as it should, why my clothes are wrinkled.
Instead of being in the moment of here, enjoying my husband I am thinking of a million other things that in the moment of here are not as important.
Instead of being in the moment of here, listening to Allie’s story, my mind drifts to there when I worry about the teenage years when she stops talking to us.
Instead of being here, at work when a million things need to be multi-tasked, I am there wondering if my children are okay, what am I missing by not being with them.
Instead of being here, enjoying my children I am there wondering if there is anything going on at work that I need to have a handle on.
Instead of being in the moment of here with Boo wanting to just sit on my lap, I am in the moment of there looking at the dishes piling up, the dog hair on the floor, the house in disarray.
Instead of enjoying the moment of here, I am too worried about there…..